‘Our journey into Early Permanence’

We spoke for a long time about adoption before we plucked up the courage to actually book ourselves onto an information evening. We remember being the first ones in the room and feeling very anxious, I think we probably talked a lot to the social workers hosting the evening. We remember walking out of the building that night so positive and thinking absolutely yes, it’s what we were meant to do! 

After being assigned our wonderful social worker, she came round and talked us though the process of traditional adoption because we had decided that Early Permanence wasn’t for us. We felt we would get to attached to the baby and the thought out having to hand a baby back over sounded terrifying. But after a long conversation between ourselves we decided it’s not about us it’s about the child and we had to put our needs to the side and think of the child. So, we moved to the Early Permanence path. 

We moved quite quickly to stage one and started our journey which was quite easy really just paperwork and background checks and references. 

When we both attended the four-day adoption preparation course, we did find it very difficult but interesting at the same time I do remember coming home a little bit shell shocked, but it did make our decision solid on progressing through the Early Permanence route. 

When we moved into stage 2, we did our Early Permanence training which was hard, the two days were quite intense, a lot of information in a shorter period of time but we always kept in mind the goal, and the goal had to change from wanting a family one day to helping a baby and be a foster carer. It wasn’t about getting your baby from as early as possible; it was helping a baby as early as possible and if the plan was rehabilitation with birth family or adoption with their EP carers (us) both were positive for the baby, the uncertainty was taken away from them and we are strong enough to have it put on us, we are the adults and a baby shouldn’t be placed in that situation.

Once we moved through panel with a ‘yes’ and our decision was official, our social work sent 2 profiles of potential links and we started to progress with a little baby that was unborn and due in 6 weeks’ time, which we felt comfort with, it all started to feel more real.

After conversations with our social worker, we met birth mum's social worker which was about gathering more information and she provided us with information about the background situation and the plan. We both felt strong emotions about birth mum from the start, so hearing that we could meet her before birth in the contact centre was amazing, we felt it would ease both sides anxieties, we did ask if we could bring the baby something, however after considering this we decided to make it about birth mum and thought about how we could manage it. We thought about her feelings and emotions and we did not want to be insensitive, so we decided to make her a little care package for hospital with bits in for both her and the baby and a blue foot print set she can do this on the days with him in hospital. 

Meeting birth mum was very emotional, fighting back the tears was hard, we both sucked them up though, so we didn’t look anything otherthan positive for her, we chatted back and forth with the support of both our social workers, birth mum fully understood who we were and what type of carers we were, but we really did put across we were foster cares and we weren’t against her, which she was very grateful for. She did thank us for wanting to take him and asked what he had at our house, and we have said we will send photos of his nursery when it’s fully finished so she feels very much included in her baby’s life from the start. On contact days both me and my partner asked if she would like some of his clothes when he grows out of them with pictures for her to hold on to, so she doesn’t feel like she is missing too much in the days she doesn’t have contact as sending information to her is tricky.

When it was time to say our goodbyes birth mum did get emotional, we all did have a hug which was lovely, such a positive feeling too, we aren’t against each other - that we are all here to help this baby and the baby is the centre of everything.